Director: Michael Bay
Writers: Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely, based on magazine articles by Pete Collins
Cinematography: Ben Seresin
Editors: Thomas A. Muldoon & Joel Negron
Music: Steve Jablonsky
Notable Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris, Rob Corddry, Bar Paly, Rebel Wilson, Ken Jeong, Michael Rispoli, Keili Lefkovitz, Emily Rutherfurd, Larry Hankin, Tony Plana, Peter Stormare, Ken Clement, Brian Stepanek, Bill Kelly, Parris Buckner, Nicholas X. Parsons, Patrick Bristow, Kiki Harris, Carol Kaye, Mike Benitez, Nikki Benz, Kurt Angle
Much like those services in the suburbs that will come to your house and pick up the dog poop in your yard, Michael Bay takes a lot of… hey, wait a minute, haven’t we been here before? Michael Bay now has TWO films analyzed here while some of my favorite directors haven’t even gotten one yet?!?
What can I say? When the mood strikes, the mood strikes. And I like symmetry. For our 10th post, we looked at Bay’s first great film, Bad Boys, and for our 20th post, we look at his magnum opus, the film that will be remembered for eons as the apotheosis of Bay’s filmic ethos. But where did it begin?
Based on a true story, memorialized in the pages of the Miami New Times, the Sun Gym Gang murders captivated true crime obsessives back in the 1990s. The original series of articles are insane and must be read to be believed. No idea when Bay caught wind of this story or its cinematic potential (I don’t do behind the scenes shit, usually, so delving into a film’s history and backstory won’t be done here, what do I look like, motherfuckin’ Google?!). Maybe he grokked to the story back when it happened, maybe not. Maybe he was made aware when the script crossed his agent’s desk? Who knows…
Speaking of his agent, I worked for a director as a writer for hire during my time in the City of Angels, and he shared an agent with Bay. Your neophyte writer thought that was super impressive, but the director said it was meaningless and that agents don’t do shit for you. It was an alarming wake up call to the realities of Hollywood. Here I am, just starting out as a writer and director, where the dream of legit representation seemed to hold the keys to success, only to be slapped in the face by the brutal reality. This director I worked for made a living, but just barely. He didn’t get many film directing jobs, at all, and would take re-write jobs from the studios for cash, but he’d never re-write any scripts, he’d hire a schmuck like me to do all the work for pennies on the dollar, and then once we delivered the draft to him, he’d just go through it and rewrite shit at whim without any overarching vision of the entire film, whereby making the rewrite into total gibberish oftentimes. It was maddening. He was a real dope. And he still owes my buddy money, so fuck him up his English ass. But I digress…
When I heard the premise of Pain & Gain and that Bay would be the one to tackle it, I was pumped, no pun intended. Bay is a very talented filmmaker (but one who makes films that almost always suck), with an ability to mount massive projects filled with special effects and gonzo action sequences, and here he was taking on a rather intimate story, small scale, with no giant robots or ridiculous shootouts or wall to wall CG. To say I was interested in this detour for him is an understatement. I was dying to see how it would turn out.
Added to which, the world of gym rats and personal trainers and their very particular subculture is one I find fascinating. Not sure why, maybe it’s the fact that devoting oneself to one’s body is such a foreign concept to me. While I try to stay in shape, my biggest muscle is my brain. Not that gym rats are dumb, far from it. And so it was for Sun Gym Gang leader, Daniel Lugo, who may not have been booksmart in the traditional way we understand such a notion, but like a lot of felons and convicts, he was extremely crafty, clever, and resourceful. Not really the terms that come to mind when thinking of Mark Wahlberg, but be that as it may…
To cast a film starring three bodybuilders, who could actually act, had to be extremely difficult. I mean, how long could that list have been? You basically have Wahlberg, The Rock, and maybe Vin Diesel? Who am I leaving out here? It’s funny to think of some alternate universe where these murders took place in the 70’s, and the film starred Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Carl Weathers. That would have been something. I can see Sly essaying the Lugo role with Arnold as The Rock’s character and Weathers as Adrian. But that’s not the dimension we live in.
Here we get Wahlberg, the wrestling guy, and… Anthony Mackie? I like Mackie, and he does a great job here, but a bodybuilder he ain’t. He looks good, just not on the pectoral level of Wahlberg and certainly nowhere near Dwayne Johnson, who’s never looked more chiseled in his life. As Mackie says in the film, “dude’s a fuckin’ freak of nature, they oughta build a fence around him.” I’m not gay, but I am totally gay for Johnson in this. I’d fuck the shit out of him. And thank god they did not cast Vin Diesel! I’ll take Mackie’s lack of physique and boundless charisma over Diesel’s muscular physique and complete lack of acting chops any day of the week!
When you read the original series of articles, you quickly see what a mammoth undertaking writing this thing must have been. Condensing events and characters so it would fit into a 120 minute story that both entertains and thrills in equal measure is HARD! Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely did a phenomenal job, PHENOMENAL, with the writing here. Not sure how I’d feel about the tone of the picture if I was related to anyone who happened to fatally cross paths with the Sun Gym Gang, but as a disinterested observer, this is one of the most entertaining flicks I have ever seen, with an endless rewatchability factor.
But, and this is a big one, possibly the biggest, how were the 1ST 5 Minutes?
1ST 5 MINUTES
Over the Paramount logo we hear the first notes of the score composed by Steve Jablonsky (what a name!), as we fade in to Wahlberg doing crunches while hanging off the side of a building with a giant SUN GYM logo plastered on it. It’s a fantastic opening image as he grunts his way through this exercise. He talks to himself as he does each crunch, “I’m strong. I’m big.” We then cut to one of those dope shots where the camera rig is attached to the actor as he continues his crunches. “I’m hot. I’m big.” Not even a minute in and I am digging this big time. Sick opening shot, hilarious self-talk, and Jablonsky’s truly amazing score.
We hear sirens in the distance, and judging by Wahlberg’s reaction, the approaching cop cars are there for him. He jumps down from the wall and hightails it out of there. As he is running and making his way toward the street, he sees more and more cop cars, as well as tactical vehicles and SWAT teams. We then get a cool speed ramped slo-mo shot of the tactical officers jumping out of their armored vehicle, armed to the teeth, with a subtitle letting us know we’re in 1995, and these cops are from Miami-Dade (wonder where the Bad Boys were when all of this went down…).
Wahlberg runs screaming toward the camera in slow motion, which then ramps down to super slo-mo. Cut to Pain & Gain title card in a nice font, accompanied by the sound of weights being re-racked in a gym. Cut back to Wahlberg running in slo-mo, spit flying out of his mouth, as we hear the first bit of narration from Wahlberg himself, “My name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness.” YES! Loving this.
He then gets hit by a cop car and goes flying in the air before landing on the cops’ windshield, shattering it. Cut to black, and we hear another voice doing narration, that of Ed Harris, who we won’t actually see in the flesh until the 1 hour mark, alerting the audience that what they are about to see actually took place back in 1994/1995 in Miami. “Unfortunately, this is a true story.” This film wears its cheekiness on its sleeve, and you know what, I’m here for it.
We then cut to an exterior of the Sun Gym, with a subtitle, “Six Months Earlier.” In a general sense, I am not a fan of starting films with the ending. It usually serves no purpose other than the writers or director jacking off. Maybe I’m too linear, but I’m hard pressed to think of a film that was made better by showing the ending first. Maybe in a true story, such as this, where the ending is already known if you’re familiar with the story, it has less of a draining effect on the tension, I don’t know. Even here though, despite loving that opening shot, I’m not sure it adds anything to start the film like this. But as we go through this movie, you’ll quickly find Bay does a lot of things here that usually sink a film, in my eyes, but here it just works or at the very least does not detract from the overall film.
Wahlberg, as Lugo, shows up for work driving his old, red Fiero, clearly trying to project an image he can’t really project. What follows is a fantastic montage of what Lugo does for a living at the Sun Gym as a personal trainer, as he narrates it for us, and we see how high energy and motivational he is to everyone he encounters. We even get a funny flashback shot of Lugo as a little kid, totally ripped and muscular. It’s a cute sight gag, and a nice use of non-sci-fi CGI (my favorite kind).
Right away it is clear Lugo is a big believer in the American Dream, that anyone can make themselves into anything as long as they have the determination and the will. His bit about American history here is hilariously perfect, “When it started, America was just a handful of scrawny colonies. Now, it’s the most buff, pumped up country on the planet. That’s pretty rad.” How fucking great is that? Such a perfect encapsulation of a very particular mindset.
We then get our first look at Anthony Mackie as Adrian, disappointed his arms aren’t bigger, and then a shot of him juicing with a steroid shot to his thigh. Lugo’s narration continues with more motivational type stuff, about how you need to build yourself up, and always work harder to get what you want, doing whatever it takes to achieve your goals. And squandering your gifts is not only sickening to him, it’s unpatriotic! This entire montage is great, scored perfectly by Jablonsky. Not sure I have ever heard of this composer before, but his music is really on point throughout the picture.
And then at the 4 minute mark, we are introduced to my second favorite character in the film (the first has still not been introduced), Victor “Pepe” Kershaw, played by the truly great Tony Shalhoub, wearing a giant gold Jewish star around his neck. He’s doing the classic muscle pose with his arms raised, “Arnold fuckin Schwarzenegger, am I right?” as Lugo takes a Polaroid of him. The image freezes, some kind of color effect is applied and we get a title card, “New Client.” I usually hate this type of shit in movies, cutesy title cards off of freeze frames (I’m looking at you, Bullet Train!), and I’m not a fan of it here. But it just goes to show how great this flick is, that it indulges in some of the worst shit filmmaking wise, and still manages to be incredible.
What follows is another great montage of Lugo training Kershaw, as Kershaw just goes on and on, bragging about how rich he is, how he owns a deli near the airport, has a cigarette boat he roleplays on, while constantly flubbing Lugo’s name (Damien, Yudo, Lugy, Dennis), seemingly on purpose as some sort of power move. Shalhoub gets some of the best lines in the film, and he digs into his scenes with relish. My favorite line of his always makes me laugh out loud, “You know what I really don’t like about weights? They’re so heavy.” He says it in such a nebbishy, Jewish way, it’s sheer perfection.
One thing I will always give Bay credit for, is his casting. Even when making shitty movies, he populates them with great actors. Like putting John Turturro in a Transformers movie. As we will see throughout this film, Bay’s casting is so fucking spot on it is scary. And getting Shalhoub for this role is a real feather in Bay’s cap. Hard to think of any other actor being able to give this kind of performance, with zero fear of looking like an absolute piece of shit or complaining that he’s not likable enough. Shalhoub truly does not give a shit and goes for the gusto. Whether it’s complaining about the “homos and housewives” on the jogging path by his house, or letting Lugo know that poor people invented salad, he just keeps topping himself. It’s a bold move making the victim a villain and the villains heroes (of a sort). It’s an interesting way to keep the audience off balance. Is this sophisticated storytelling in a Michael Bay film?
And that does it for the 1ST 5 Minutes of Pain & Gain. If you love these 1ST 5, I have an incredibly hard time believing you won’t love the rest. Everything, or nearly everything, that makes this movie great is present right off the bat. Dope opening shot, great music, already two narrators (denoting perspective shifts galore), hilarious dialogue and the one and only Tony Shalhoub giving the performance of a lifetime. There is absolutely nothing here that would make me take it off, not starting at the end, not cutting to cutesy title cards, no, the good shit overwhelms anything that could be construed as a negative. To paraphrase Lugo, this flick has a ton of “awesome potential.”
The rest of the flick
The sequence of Lugo training Kershaw continues, with Kershaw going on and on about how loaded he is, has a great line about his maid, “Got a hot Cuban housekeeper makes a waffle don’t even need maple syrup,” reveals he owns some greyhounds that he races, and again how he has a lot of money. It’s a fantastic introduction to Kershaw’s character, and as we’ll see as we watch this, Shalhoub just owns this movie, owns it. So glad he got such an amazing showcase here. Award worthy performance. But what’s strange is he’s not the only award worthy performance in the film, and would even lose out to this other perf. But we’ll get to that in a bit.
First, we get another flashback within the flashback we’re already in. As I said, sophisticated. Not easy to pull off. Lugo relates how he got the job at the Sun Gym, which is our first nested flashback as we cut to his interview with the owner, played by Rob Corddry. Usually not a fan of Corddry, funny guy, but he seems to wink at the audience too much, doesn’t play it straight enough. But in the context of this film, he’s perfect, as he plays a total schmuck.
During this interview, Lugo reveals he's been in jail before, and we flashback AGAIN to see him scamming old people out of their money and subsequently getting sentenced to jail. This whole sequence is great, and Wahlberg plays the perfect doofus, though in reality and even in the film, it’s clear Lugo has intelligence and cunning, the goofiness is an indelible part of his character, but the guy is a very crafty scumbag.
The whole montage of Lugo transforming the Sun Gym into a muscle mecca is great, and very funny (the bit about the strippers and especially the free waxing is boffo), and sets up perfectly how despite all this success, Lugo is still a loser driving a shitty car, living in a shitty apartment doing tricep curls while scarfing down powdered protein shakes and watching infomercials. But as he says on the narration, he’s living the American dream.
The contrast with his reality is stark, and sad. The Lies We Tell Ourselves would be an apt alt title for this flick. What makes Lugo relatable is the sense of working hard for little to no return. Buying into the American Dream only to bust your ass on a road to nowhere. His frustration is palpable and all too real, especially these days we find ourselves currently in.
His scene with Mackie at the gym where he has a mini-meltdown mid-workout is a great capsule summary of his character. Seems the lies he tells himself about how great he’s doing are catching up, and he has a moment of clarity. He marvels at his own physique, flexes as he calls himself Superman, raging about deserving better, which resonates with Mackie’s Adrian. Adrian too feels less than, and Lugo taps into it. The notion that guys with bodies like theirs deserve so much more than life is giving them strikes me as similar to the brief sequence in Sin City where the Croupier talks about Marv.
Think about the characters Wahlberg and Johnson play here. Guys like that back in gladiator times? Same vibes. What these guys have is not what society truly values. They’re failures at life. Lugo trains these gorgeous women who he has no shot with, Adrian is a flunky at a Mexican fast food joint. Nothing’s gonna change unless they make a change.
This leads into one of the film’s best scenes, featuring Ken Jeong as motivational speaker Jonny Wu, based on those infomercials that used to be around back then, which would usually have some Asian guy surrounded by big titted chicks in bikinis on a yacht somewhere selling the secret to living a life like his. Jeong is in the same class of actor as Corddry. Talented, funny guy that just mugs for the camera too much. But again, though, like with Corddry, Jeong just works here. Like gangbusters. He is absolutely hilarious in his one scene. His infomercials and motivational phrases are peppered throughout the movie, to great effect, but he only actually has one scene in the movie where he’s not on a TV screen, but rather, a stage at the Jupiter Ballroom.
The speech he gives is hilarious, from bragging how he ditched his wife and kids for “seven honeys of which I can choose from,” to his signature phrase, “Don’t be a don’t-er, do be a do-er.” Amazing. He serves as Lugo’s final motivation to initiate his plan, a three finger plan, as Jonny Wu suggests, “Get a goal, get a plan, and get up off your ass.” He singles Lugo out for a personal session before the scene ends with Wu walking off, angrily yelling at an off screen assistant, “Get the bitches on the boat, we gotta go!” So good. Jablonsky’s score here as we segue into the next scene is sublime.
Lugo floats in the pool, holding onto the diving board, as he stares at Kershaw. “I’m a do-er with a three finger plan. Finger one, find a guy with money. Finger two, make him give you everything he owns. Finger three, make America a better place, leave the guy broke and clueless as to who made him that way.” Great shit. Check out Shalhoub here. No dialogue, just him sitting by the side of the pool, as he judges the women in bikinis. He’s so keyed in it’s scary. Can’t take your eyes off him the entire time. One of a kind performance.
Lugo goes about assembling the team to make his three finger plan happen. He easily enlists Adrian, who’s having his own issues with steroid induced impotence and an inability to pay for the procedure to fix his dick. But according to Lugo, they’re gonna need a third member to “implement a plan of this intensity.” And this is when the movie really kicks into gear, and elevates it from the great to the genius. Up to this point, Shalhoub has owned this movie, but as of here on out, a new owner has moved in, and it is none other than Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Paul Doyle. You know you’re in truly unchartered territory when the fucking Rock eclipses an all-time performance from Tony Shalhoub. But here we are.
A real shame about Dwayne Johnson. He’s got loads of charisma, great personality, great screen presence, but his massive ego has prevented him from having the career befitting a man of his talents. In general, he refuses to work with strong directors, and chooses journeymen and studio hacks that he can dominate and call the shots with. Contrast that with someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger, who subsumed his ego to work with Ivan Reitman, John McTiernan, Paul Verhoeven and James Cameron, to reach the stratospheric heights Johnson could only dream of.
One look at Johnson’s filmography and it is one piece of shit after another. He was solid in The Rundown, then actually worked with what was at the time considered a visionary director when he essayed his role in Southland Tales, but in retrospect, Richard Kelly turned out to be another hack, so does that even count? I don’t think so, plus, the movie was fucking terrible. From that film in 2006 all the way to 2013, it was shit after shit after Furious shit.
But then, Johnson did something unexpected, and signed on to a film to be directed by Michael Bay. Now, I wouldn’t call Bay a visionary, but he is a strong director with a strong personality who is not easily pushed around, at least as far as I’ve heard. And wouldn’t you know it, submitting himself and burying his ego to play the role of the religious minded cokehead Paul Doyle ended up not only being Johnson’s best performance by a country mile, but in my mind, was Oscar worthy. Yes, my friends, I think both him AND Shalhoub should have been nominated, and Johnson should have won. That’s how good he is in this film.
Johnson is also the only character to have a true “arc,” so to speak. When the film starts, he’s just out of prison (great flashback to him in the prison yard defending a smaller con from getting his ass kicked, which includes the classic signature Bay low angle dolly shot around a character as he stands up, and, in what is now the third narrator so far, Johnson has the great line, “Know why habit rhymes with rabbit? Cause you’re whole life disappears down a bunny hole, while you grow long sensitive ears to better hear the sound of sirens coming for you.” How amazing is that?), looking for a job at the Sun Gym. He’s sober, and has embraced Jesus as his lord and savior.
And not in a jokey way, but in a very earnest way. He easily has the best collection of Jesus t-shirts this side of Heaven. Paul Doyle is someone who is trying to do the right thing with his life, but is so simple-minded and sweet, yes, sweet… and kind, and genuine, and searching for any kind of male friendship (as he says on the narration, he hasn’t really had a friend “since Ma died”), that he’s easily manipulated by Lugo into joining their extortion plan, but not without some heavy coaxing, and a disturbing incident at the church he was turned on to when he got out of prison.
People say that scene is an example of gay bashing, but as with most things, people are fucking idiots. If some man, here a priest played by the great Larry Hankin, who most of you probably know from Breaking Bad, but to me he’ll always be alt Kramer from the “Jerry” pilot in season 4 of Seinfeld, inappropriately touches you without your consent, you absolutely have the right to punch their lights out, just as a woman would have that right.
The first scene between all three leads is hilarious. As Lugo is trying to befriend and make common cause with Doyle, Adrian is peppering him with questions about how much protein he eats and what his training regimen is. Johnson’s reaction to both of them is great. He sees what he thinks is a kindred spirit in Lugo, who also did prison time and is on the straight and narrow, whereas he clearly thinks Adrian is a little weird.
This continues later in the strip club in a fantastic exchange between Doyle and Adrian, probably their only true scene together where they have a convo. It’s weird that they’re all involved in this scheme, but Doyle and Adrian hardly have any dialogue with each other aside from this scene. But their one scene is great, with Adrian asking Doyle if the milk he’s drinking is breast milk. Doyle obviously and appropriately says, “why would that be breast milk?” to which Adrian reveals his formula for the best human growth hormone out there, fresh breast milk with steroids poured into it. Johnson’s a great straight man, and his wordless reactions to Adrian (you ever suck a pregnant woman titty?) are fucking gold, solid gold. Speaking of Solid Gold, that’s the strip club they’re at, where we get our first look at what ends up being our fourth narrator, the beautiful Bar Paly as Sorina Luminita. Lugo has been lying to her about casting her in a music video, and Doyle effortlessly picks up the lie and embellishes it to her. Our first hint that Doyle is not as innocent and simple as he may seem.
We then segue into a flashback narrated by her (four narrators now) that reveals how she got to America from Eastern Europe. It’s a funny little sequence, perfectly fitting the tone of the movie, which then cuts to her getting banged doggy style on the trunk of Lugo’s car.
It’s really well done. It’s after this that Lugo lays out the scheme to Doyle who immediately says no, but as related earlier, comes around fairly quickly once Lugo promises him there will be no violence involved. And not for nothing, but the shot of Doyle walking away as he carries his skateboard is fantastic.
And then we get a bit of Adrian’s backstory, as he becomes our FIFTH narrator. Love the ensemble nature of this flick. It’s rare to hear so many inner thoughts of characters, usually a literary conceit, for a film not based on a novel. I love it. Narration done well is one of the best tools at a filmmaker’s disposal, so long as it is not a crutch to paper over plot holes, which happens far too often, but not here.
Adrian’s backstory is great. Impotent from too much steroids, he needs a procedure, but it’s too expensive. At the dick clinic, he meets Rebel Wilson’s nurse, Robin. It’s already been established that Adrian loves fat chicks (“big bitches” as Lugo refers to them), so one can immediately sense the chemistry between the two as they flirt back and forth. I’ve never had much tolerance for Wilson, but at least she was marginally funny when she was fat, now that she lost all that weight, she lost whatever little talent she had right along with it. Happens a lot to fat funny people. The fatness is part of their charm. Once they lose the weight, they lose the funny.
And no, big is not beautiful, and no, you are not healthy at any size. So sick of this shit. And while I’m on the subject, what is the deal with skinny white hipster dudes and dating fat chicks? I see it too often. It’s so bizarre. In the old days, ugly, skinny white dudes who couldn’t get slim white girls would just date Asian chicks. I’m sure that still goes on, but I’ve definitely seen a new trend of them going for fatties. I’ve never been a chubby chaser, what’s the deal with that? Is it some kind of pathology? So bizarre. Fat chicks are nasty, is basically what I am saying.
One anachronism here is the Miami Dolphins jersey Adrian wears in this scene. As you know, I am a big Dolphins fan, and I’m sure 99% of people wouldn’t catch this error, even Dolphins fans, but in the time frame this film is supposed to take place, the Dolphins still had their classic logo. It wasn’t until the 1997 season that they transitioned to a more cartoon-y looking Dolphin. Yet the jersey Adrian wears features the newer logo, despite this taking place in 1994. It’s repeated later in Ed Harris’s character’s house, where he has a framed Dolphins picture in the background, also with the newer logo. It’s a weird oversight.
One other anachronism that gets me every time is earlier when Lugo is scoping out Kershaw’s house, and sees Kershaw berating his landscaping staff, and we hear Kershaw say, “You migrant workers suck.” A funny line, but NO ONE in 1994, outside of maybe fringe left wing communist university academics, called illegal aliens “migrants.” At best they were still referred to as illegal immigrants, but usually they were still known as illegal aliens. That’s just what it was then. It may be offensive now, but back then that was the generally accepted term. A small thing, but it exemplifies how quick the Overton window shifts and the collective amnesia it engenders in the population.
And who do we see next? The great Peter Stormare, complete with red sunglasses, as the doctor at the dick clinic. I love Peter Stormare. Utterly genius in Fargo, he never gives a bad performance, no matter how shitty the project. Here, he has just one scene. One! How easy it would have been for Bay to get some no name douche for this minute long scene, but no, he casts an amazing actor who in his one solitary scene absolutely nails it. “You will return to those beautiful, robust erections of your high school days. You do remember your high school days, don’t you?” So good, in that inimitable accent of his.
The scene at the weapons/gun shop is great. Mackey kills it as Adrian, and the store clerk, played by Patrick Bristow, absolutely nails his one scene. He’s hilarious as the Christian rock loving spy shop clerk. Him asking for and getting tazed by Adrian is a real standout, especially as it segues into a dope slo-mo shot of the three of them walking outside the gun shop set to the iconic 90’s tune, Gangsta’s Paradise.
What a great use of a great song, much better than the movie it originated from, the truly horrific Dangerous Minds. It segues into their initial attempt to kidnap Kershaw from his house, with Lugo describing the plan as drawn on a whiteboard. The contrasting narrations by Adrian and Doyle here are great. Whereas Doyle thinks Lugo is a genius for coming up with this stuff, Adrian knows Lugo is making it all up, but he doesn’t care cause they’re gonna be rich. Good stuff.
The initial kidnapping attempt at Kershaw’s mansion is foiled by the fact Kershaw is hosting Shabbat dinner with a ton of relatives. The second attempt is thwarted by their collective stupidity in identifying which car is Kershaw’s. Lugo’s frustration reaches a boiling point here, and it’s the first time we hear Doyle curse. His fealty to Christianity and Jesus has been slipping since he met Lugo, and here it cracks a bit further.
But their third try is the charm, as they kidnap Kershaw from the parking lot of the deli he owns by the airport. It starts with an incredible super low angle shot of Kershaw getting out of his car as a plane flies extremely low overhead, and then Kershaw being Kershaw as he berates two of his employees, one for being fat, and the other for having terrible acne. He’s such an unrelenting prick that when he’s victimized, beaten and tortured you don’t have nearly as much sympathy for him as you normally would for someone in that situation.
I love his line delivery, “What the fuck do you want?” when Adrian confronts him in a ninja costume in the parking lot. He throws the pickle he was munching on at Adrian right as Adrian pulls out the stun gun and blasts the side of Kershaw’s face in a fucking fantastic slo-mo shot. Nearly my Favorite Shot in the whole film as the pickle juice flies out of Kershaw’s mouth as he goes down, scored brilliantly by Jablonsky. So fucking good.
This whole sequence is remarkably tense and funny in equal measure. They take Kershaw back to a warehouse owned by a friend of Lugo (unclear who or where this friend is the whole time, in one of the film’s weaker narrative moments), that’s filled with a shit ton of sex toys, or as Doyle puts it, “A lot of homo stuff.” I love how politically incorrect this movie is. These guys talk like regular guys talk, and not the sanitized bullshit the media forces down our throats. Not sure this flick could get made today what with everyone being such sensitive little shitbags.
The scenes at the warehouse with Kershaw make this flick what it is. This is the real meat of the picture. As they wheel a shackled and blinded Kershaw into the sex toy warehouse, we get our SIXTH, count em, SIXTH narrator, as Kershaw’s narration kicks in, and boy is it a doozy of a mini monologue. I wonder how many takes he did to get it this good. Is he an early or late take kind of actor? I wonder how many takes Bay usually gives his thesps.
In any event, his quick backstory, which, unlike Sorina, we do not get to see clips of, is fascinating. “My grandfather fled Germany in 1943. I was born in Bogota, grew up in New York City. Put myself through college working six nights a week at Pizza Hut. Busted my ass, but ended up comptroller of a billion dollar pipeline in the rectum of the Third World. I put up with shit they don’t have names for in civilization. Funny, I left South America because there was too much kidnapping. That’s what you call irony. But if they think a little slapping around’s gonna break me, they don’t know Victor Pepe Kershaw.” Amazing. Fantastic work.
That he’s able to quickly deduce his kidnapper is Lugo (based on the shitty vanilla perfume Lugo wears, which is set up hilariously in an earlier exchange where Kershaw says Lugo smells like a Cuban stripper and how “it’s unsettling as I sweat here.”), is a testament to his quick mind, but the fact he lets slip to them that he knows who they are is a consequence of his “Half Colombian, Half Jew temper.” Much like myself, his big mouth is responsible for success and failure.
His knowledge reveal is great, after Lugo baits him with the old “you immigrants steal American jobs” spiel, “You’re broke you dumb shit, because you never went to college. Thereby guaranteeing you were going to spend the rest of your life obsessing over pectoral muscles.”
Lugo starts flipping out. Doyle and Adrian start worrying. And Kershaw admits it was the awful, vanilla cologne that gave Lugo away. This leads to my Favorite Line in the film, when Lugo lifts the duct tape from Kershaw’s eyes and gets right in his face, “I don’t just want everything you have. I want you not to have it.” That gets at the crux of the whole film and Lugo’s true mindset. Throughout the film, both in his narration and in his motivational bullshit to Doyle and Adrian, he maintains he just wants a piece of the pie. He works hard, he deserves the spoils of that hard work. When he talks about some kid on his block growing up and getting a new bike every Christmas and going to places like “Paris and France,” he says he didn’t hate the kid for having that, he just thought it would be “cool to see France.”
But as with a lot of his narration, it’s part of the lies he tells himself. A good person just wants what’s theirs. If they work hard they should get the rewards of that. But a bad person wants what YOU have, and not just that, they relish in you not having it. It’s the general resentment failures feel, how they blame others for going nowhere in life. Because Kershaw’s family immigrated here, Lugo can’t make money? Please. Again it is to Bay’s credit and the writers to unabashedly make the villains the heroes and the victims the villains. The humor helps immensely here.
From when they kidnap him all the way to when they think they’ve gotten away with it is fantastic. But of particular note are the scenes between Doyle and Kershaw. My Favorite Scene in the whole film is one that just features the two of them, obviously as they are the best actors in the picture giving the two top performances in the picture. Lugo and Adrian have left Doyle to guard Kershaw, much to Doyle’s chagrin, but he accepts the assignment.
It's day 3 of the kidnapping, and Johnson is upstairs at the warehouse, reading an issue of Christian Camping wearing a t-shirt that says One Way with a red arrow and the name Jesus under it. Kershaw begins screaming for a drink, and in Doyle’s mind, that means booze, and he yells down to Kershaw that they “don’t keep spirits” there, and that anyway, he’s sober. Kershaw sees an opening and takes it. “No shit! Me, too.” Doyle says praise Jesus with a big smile as he heads downstairs with a soda in his hand, Kershaw droning on about how he got his AA chip.
Doyle sits as Kershaw drinks, talks about having a “pruno” slip in prison, and Kershaw goes in for the proverbial kill. “Maybe, the real reason I’m here, is to help you get through another day sober.” Shalhoub throws his hands up in a Jewish shoulder shrug that’s amazing. Doyle can’t believe it. Really ponders this, apologizes for everything happening to Kershaw, to which Kershaw hilariously responds, “Oh, no, no. It’s okay. Shit happens. Forget it.” It never fails to make me laugh out loud. Shalhoub’s delivery and timing are insane!
Then the kicker, “But really, maybe I was sent as a reminder. You believe in that stuff. Higher power stuff.” Hilarious. Higher power “stuff.” So obviously not into that shit. Peep the lighting on Shalhoub’s face as he says this and looks to God in the Heavens, there’s a beatific white light shining down on him from above. Love little details like that. And for his part, Doyle buys what Kershaw’s selling 100%. He says, “I live it!” Kershaw uses the opening to ask for another cold taco, which Doyle gladly helps him with.
Kershaw remarks that Doyle is so much nicer than the other two guys, which Doyle hilariously responds to with a laugh and, “Ah, they’re sweet guys. You just don’t know them yet.” Again, this shit always makes me laugh out loud. Johnson’s delivery is fantastic. When he says “I live it!” he may as well be talking about his performance in this role. He is so keyed in. You love to see it.
As Kershaw eats the taco, Doyle gives him a hard look, “You’re a Jew, right?” Kershaw is unsure of his next move, swallows what’s in his mouth and admits that he is, “half Jew. You have a problem with that?” Doyle says he can help him, stands up and places his hand on Kershaw’s head. Shalhoub’s reaction to this is on par with Gong Li in Miami Vice when her bodyguard is shot behind her back. Since Kershaw is blindfolded, he can’t see anything, so when Doyle puts his hand on his head he’s genuinely shocked and scared as he tenses up, and Shalhoub plays it fantastically. And when he realizes Doyle is going to pray over him and ask if he accepts Jesus as his lord and savior, check that shoulder slump of resignation by Kershaw. I know I keep saying it, but this is top notch shit from Shalhoub. Top fucking notch.
Their next scene, where Kershaw asks Doyle if it’s okay to refer to him now as “Eldad. In Hebrew, it means “Beloved of God.” Doyle smiles widely, says he’d be honored, and on the narration Doyle says, “Pepe was my second friend” accompanied by one of those annoying freeze frames and the subtitle “The Weak Link.” It’s a nice little scene, even with the freeze.
Their next scene is also great, sitting side by side on the couch, Doyle, wearing a black TEAM JESUS t-shirt, reads magazines to Kershaw, when Kershaw suddenly has undone the ropes binding his hands and makes a run for it. He bumps into something turns around and gets absolutely knocked the fuck out by Doyle. Doyle yelling at an unconscious Kershaw is hilarious. “Dammit! Why’d you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities! Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!” He pauses, looks at Kershaw’s motionless body, “Pepe, you okay?” He walks over, “Pepe… It’s Eldad” Amazing. Laugh out loud. Perfect comic timing. Johnson has never been and will never be this good. Performance of a lifetime.
Their final scene together is a real heartbreaker, as Doyle has to liquor Kershaw up before the three of them kill him. Lugo has been masterful at manipulating both Adrian and Doyle this whole time, but convincing such a godly man that murder is not only necessary, but good and right, is so dark. The way Lugo plays on Doyle’s loneliness and aching to be a part of a team, to have friends who care about him, it’s fucked up shit. And Johnson plays it perfectly.
Look at the emotion on his face as Kershaw begs to let him go, and he has to refuse. Doyle can barely look him in the face. And once Kershaw realizes his pleas are falling on deaf ears, he delivers a killer, hilarious line. “You’re going to need a drink if I die, you half-a-retard! And when I get to Heaven, I’m gonna tell Jesus what you did.” Laugh out loud. As is Doyle’s angry response, “You’re not gonna tell Jesus anything.” How great is that? Their chemistry is off the charts. One of the funniest flicks I have ever seen.
In between these scenes we get one of the funniest scenes in the movie, when Lugo is trying to get all of Kershaw’s shit, and he needs the documents notarized. Now, in reality, a practiced financial criminal like Lugo, who has already done time for those very kinds of crimes, would know what a notary is. But putting that aside, Wahlberg’s incredulously hilarious delivery of “What the fuck are notaries, man?” is an all timer.
The scene where they try and fail to kill Kershaw is really good, illustrating how inept they all are, but especially for really underlining how manipulative Lugo is as he convinces Doyle to run over and kill a burning Kershaw, and even enlists Adrian to stress how killing Kershaw is a good thing. After they think they’ve killed him, Lugo’s insistence that “they” didn’t kill Kershaw, Doyle did, is chilling. It’s nice seeing Wahlberg play a villain again.
At this point, we’re an hour into the film and one of the leads hasn’t even been in it yet, we’ve only heard his voice, but finally Ed Harris shows up in person, and we get another example of Bay’s keen eye for casting. Harris is perfect here in the role of the retired policeman and retired private eye, Ed DuBois III. His narration, which we only heard a tiny bit of in the beginning, now kicks in fully.
It’s great having all these perspective on such a sprawling criminal story. Harris’ narration when we first see him, hitting golf balls into the water from his backyard, is perfect. “Being a cop for so long, I’ve learned that people’s lives are usually linear. Until they’re not. Comes a day for just about everyone when A suddenly skips B and careens to polka-dot weird W.” Love that. His wife is played by Emily Rutherfurd. Can’t recall seeing her in anything else, but she’s great here. Even when using “unknowns,” Bay’s casting is spot on.
Harris’ entry into the story signals the end game for our characters, because once he takes Kershaw’s case, after the cops, in a hilarious scene, think he’s full of shit and made it all up, the Sun Gym gang’s downfall is only a matter of time. Ed Harris has such a great face and voice. A real natural. This movie is stocked with fantastic actors!
The montage sequence of the Sun Gym gang enjoying their new riches, new houses, and new lifestyle, scored to Molly by Cedric Gervais, a fantastic techno tune, is phenomenal. The editing and cinematography here are great as the boys enjoy and indulge their desires, most notably, Doyle starts using again, cocaine specifically.
Which leads to my Favorite Shot in the whole film, when Doyle is coked out of his mind, the money has run out, and Sorina is demanding Jimmy Choo shoes. We cut to him on the balcony, his shirt billowing in the breeze as he cries his eyes out, his soul suffering under the weight of everything he is doing. His narration here is choice, “Sometimes, when you hit rock bottom, you happen to be on the 20th floor. I had a choice. Take the fast way down, or find a way to keep climbing.” Johnson gives it everything he's got and comes up aces.
After a botched armored car robbery, Doyle is desperate, his toe’s been shot off, he has no more money for cocaine, and needs to make another move to “keep climbing.” They decide to do another extortion kidnapping, this time targeting a porn kingpin, Frank Griga, played by Michael Rispoli, and his wife, played by Keili Lefkovitz. This one goes pear shaped almost immediately as Lugo’s rage at Griga’s insinuation that Lugo is a literal dumbbell ends in Griga’s *kind of* accidental death by 45 pound weight.
I love the way this sequence is shot, with Bay employing clever CGI to make it seem like the camera is floating through both rooms the action is taking place in at Adrian’s house without a single edit (the song that’s blasting on the speakers is the classic C+C Music Factory hit, Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)). It’s showy without being distracting, as it considerably ups the tension.
They then accidentally kill Griga’s wife by giving her too much horse tranquilizer to calm her down. Unfortunately for them this happens before she can give them the combo for the giant safe back at the Griga mansion. They got nothing out of this caper except two murder raps. And not for nothing, but Bay’s use of Jon Bon Jovi’s Blaze of Glory is fucking fantastic. That’s now two songs Bay has employed that were created for lesser films. A buddy of mine loves the Young Guns franchise, but those movies suck. Bay uses music effectively throughout this flick to remind us we’re squarely in the 1990s.
Another great thing about this movie is how they never lose sight of the weightlifting. Whether it’s a reference to stacking protein, or Lugo getting a pump on right after Griga’s death:
Or Doyle doing a superset to relieve his tension and stress, or Lugo in handcuffs droning on about Ed Harris’ skinny quads, they always bring it back to the bodybuilding. That’s great writing.
When Doyle’s shot off toe is found by the Griga’s’ maid, it’s the final nail in the Sun Gym gang’s coffin, as it leads to both Doyle’s and Adrian’s arrests. We now return to the beginning of the film with Lugo running from the cops and actually getting away in Kershaw’s speedboat to the Bahamas where Kershaw has a secret stash of money. Bay goes all Michal Mann with a dope slo-mo shot of a sunglasses wearing Lugo racing through the waves in the speedboat. Again, I have to ask, he knows how to just get in a boat and make it to the Bahamas? Hilarious.
Obviously, Lugo ends up being taken down. When Ed Harris tells him people are going to want to know why Lugo did it, he states plainly, “Well, cause I’m a do-er!” Hilarious. The three of them stand trial in a great montage sequence where Doyle flips on the other two (calls Lugo the manipulator of manipulators, which is an understatement) and admits to everything, making peace with his tortured soul. The last time we see Doyle is in a prison choir, singing hymns, happy as can be. Great arc for the character, from a guy trying to go straight, lured back into a life of crime and addiction, hits rock bottom, yet still finds a way out, back to the light.
I didn’t really go into it here, but his journey back starts after the Griga murders. It fucks him all up. When he’s starting to question things, Wahlberg admonishes him, “Don’t be a don’t-er, you’ll regret it,” Doyle responds with, “I already regret it.” Johnson’s line reading here is fantastic. As is his narration a bit later, right before he goes back to the church to await his imminent arrest. “In AA, they teach you to sit with your feelings. Look under the bed and see for yourself that there’s no monster under there. But the problem is, sometimes the monster is there. And sometimes, you’ve just got to fucking run.” Once Lugo and Adrian discover he bounced, they find a note he left, it reads, “Sorry. I can’t. Maybe God will forgive us.” What a great character. I wonder if Johnson knows this is his best performance.
I also love how at the trial, we get a brief shot of Lugo’s notebook and he has a drawing of the American flag with a big “DOER” right next to it. So good. As is Ed Harris’ end narration, detailing the entire trial and the many, many crimes Lugo and Adrian were found guilty of, but as Harris tells us, “In fact, the only thing they weren’t found guilty of was the one thing they were most guilty of, being dumb stupid fucks.” Amazing.
And the film ends with Lugo in prison, walking out to the yard as he stares through barbed wire at the American flag billowing overhead. As you watch the film, you’ll notice the American flag is in the background of a lot of shots. I love how purposeful Bay is, and how he fills the screen with image. Whether it’s a confetti cannon at the strip club, or a shit ton of vegetables flying in the air as Kershaw runs Lugo over, he really uses the entire frame to tell a story. It’s a shame the material usually fails his talents, but he’s the one choosing the material, so…
The last shot is Lugo spotting a fellow con doing a bench press, his narration pops in, “Life is gonna give me another set. And I’m gonna rock it. Because my name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness.”
Absolutely perfect. Ending as we began. And always bringing it back to the weightlifting. Bay is a motherfucking genius!
As are the end credits, set to Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise, where we see the real Lugo and Adrian and all the rest of the cast. It’s a great montage of the evidence and photos from the real crime scenes and real victims of the Sun Gym Gang, intercut with the actors who played them. It is a fantastically composed and edited sequence, and rivals Apollo 11 and Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead for best use of end credits to tell another mini-story.
It’s notable that although we see the “real” Paul Doyle, Dwayne Johnson’s character is actually a composite of several people affiliated with the Sun Gym Gang at one time or another. In real life, it wasn’t exactly the same crew who kidnapped Kershaw and killed the Grigas. Some members dropped off while others joined up. Lugo and Adrian were the only constants. Even the mugshot they use for the “real” Doyle is an actor they hired just to do that photo.
The One Sheet
This preview poster is excellent. Truly inspired to use the protein powder. Gives a hint of what the film is about, just enough to whet the appetite, without giving anything away. This is great marketing right here.
This next poster is pretty good, featuring the two biggest stars in the flick, sitting on a bench press, a giant American flag behind them, and one of the best taglines in cinematic history. “Their American Dream Is Bigger Than Yours” AMAZING! Perfect tagline for this flick. Perfect.
This next one is a slight variation on the last one. This one includes Mackie, and uses the font actually used in the film, has that great tagline and the flag backdrop, but is ultimately whatever.
This variant features Bar Paly and a speedboat and palm trees, with Wahlberg and Johnson looming large. Not bad, but this new tagline, while not terrible, is nowhere near the genius of the previous one.
This next one is interesting, a variant on the picture used in the second poster, with palm trees instead of a flag as the background. I like the copy on this one as well. “Miami. Muscles. Money. Murder. The American dream is in great shape.” Clever. Again, not as genius as the original, but not bad at all.
This last poster is notable solely for the title change. And what’s that language? French? Not a great poster, and I wouldn’t have even included it if not for the title change.
And that does it for Michael Bay’s Pain & Gain, one of the top 5 films of 2010-2019, easily. You’d be hard pressed to find a more entertaining film in those years, or any other for that matter. Consistently funny and thrilling, this flick delivers the goods. I mean, there’s so much shit in this movie that I haven’t even covered it all here. Take this scene for example:
Absolutely hilarious. As is the scene where Lugo is destroying the neighborhood kids in basketball before giving them a quick lesson in how to pick up chicks on South Beach.
Point is, this movie is so chock full of goodness, even a nearly 10,000 word think piece on the film is not enough to list all the great shit.
“Snatch that Cabbage Patch!” Gets me every time.
And for anyone who says this shit only appeals to dudes, I don’t wanna hear it. My wife LOVES this movie, and finds it extremely entertaining to the point she’s seen it numerous times. She hardly ever watches a movie more than once. I can’t think of a higher compliment than that.
And you know what? All of the movie’s genius is evident in the 1ST 5 Minutes. It may not include Dwayne Johnson, but even so, right off the bat you know you’re watching greatness with that insane opening shot and that slick Jablonsky score combined with multiple narrators and Shalhoub dropping one great line after another.
See you in two sets of ten reps…